Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
