I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
