making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
