meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
