I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
