Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
