It's Friday. Sex?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
