just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
