Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
