Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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