I think I am morally bankrupt
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
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By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
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And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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