i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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