Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
