On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
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The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
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Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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