So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Me too!
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
