I heard we made out
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
