I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
