Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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