Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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