hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
