mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
