Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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