i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
