You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
