none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
