thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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