what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize