Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
