i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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