On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
so much tequila, so little girl.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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