Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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