i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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