i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
