i jhust puked up my retainher.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she told me i tasted like america
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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