I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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