I feel like abortions should bother me more
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
