Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
