cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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