Capitaan dildo arrescate!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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