i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
