Little spoons don't ask big questions
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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