look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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