my phone needs a breathalizer
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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