I got chris browned last night
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
