he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
