yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
