Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
