No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
