remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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