You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
