Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
