just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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