i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
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I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
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I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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