I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
