The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
