I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
