please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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