Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
