The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
