he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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