kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
