You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
