did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
