break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
