Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
