oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
