Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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