i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
