Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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