took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The power of my boobs compel you
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
