clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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