he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
