you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
FUCK WHALES
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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