John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
